For reasons blogged about here, yesterday was a tough one. The good news is that I did not eat over the feelings. I FELT THEM. It was not easy nor are they pleasant feelings but I prayed alot, looked at pictures of Mom, cried, read my Bible, played with my kids, hugged my Honey and went out to dinner with the fam.
Today was homeschool Enrichment day. Four weeks ago when I was NOT on WW, I had ordered myself 3 slices of pizza for lunch. Sounds like a drunk ordering from the bar. I arrived at Enrichment with a turkey sandwich, yogurt and some veggies and canceled my pizza order. I smelled my children's pizza and what they didn't eat, I gave to a friend's child who was wanting some instead of "finishing the leftovers" which translates "eating more pizza than I ordered for myself and making myself sick".
Sunday will be another challenge. For those of you who are not Baptists, we tend to have what is called a POT LUCK lunch on Sunday. (I am sure other churches do the same and this one is full of great cooks.) These folks can cook. It is good ole' southern comfort food: roast, ham, meatloaf, 4 kinds of potatoes, creamed corn, rolls, and I have not even gotten to the dessert table, all washed down with sweet tea or lemonade. Since Baptists don't drink, we over eat. It is amazing the number who would not think of touching a drink yet overeat and pile the plate to the brim. I am planning on bringing a dish that I know the points value of. I will eat salad, too and then come home and make up for what I didn't get.
Each of these are small steps but they make up a pattern in my eating. Had I given into just one of these challenges, I would start a pattern of eating out of control. I can't go it alone. It is only with the help of the Holy Spirit that I can face each challenge. I pray that the challenges will get easier as I go along but it may be that they are always difficult for me. Paul talked about his "thorn in the flesh". Here is my thorn.
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I can totally empathize about Baptist potlucks. Those potlucks are very hard for anyone with food issues.
My mom was anorexic, and she passed on her legacy of body dysmorphia on to me.
I don't have anorexia myself, but for a time, I did struggle with various eating disorders. Youth can be a time of extremes, and between ages 16-21, my weight bounced around.
Probably, since I was just coming out of foster care, it was a way to gain some control over my life.
-First, I overate (freshman 15).
-Then, I struggled with bulimia.
-Then, I went cold-turkey. Or, rather, tuna fish and green beans. For a year.
A year. Can you imagine eating nothing but tuna fish and green beans for a year???
That was me at age 19. Thin, but nutritionally deficit. (That must be why they call it "painfully thin.")
-In my early 20's, I leveled out. I decided to eat healthy (which at the time, we all thought was "low-fat") and exercise frequently.
-Now, I'm an adult (33) and average weight. I try to live in balance and just accept myself.
I exercise daily and try to forgive myself if I eat a jelly donut once in a while.
The worst thing about Baptist potlucks is that there's really nothing healthy to eat. Wonder why we Southern women don't change that?
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