Getting to Know You - Reprise for the Rookies!

Way back when, I did a "getting to know you" post because it occurred to me that while I could tell you what someone ate for breakfast the day before, I couldn't tell you where they lived, what their goals were, or what they liked best about themself. Well, now we have a fairly significant crop of new (and old) people and I'm back to wondering. So I'm pulling a sequel to the original post.

Therefore, without further ado...Getting to Know You - Part 2! Answer in the comments and be astounded with what you learn about your blog buddies!

1) Name. Please. First names alone are okay, bonus points for divulging any embarrassing nicknames you've accumulated through the years.

2) Location. What city and state are you in?

3) Favorite thing about yourself. What about you makes you happiest?

4) Short term goals. Related to this blog or not. What are you working on at the moment?

5) Long term goals. What falls into your "someday I'll make it" list?

6) Where would your ideal vacation be?

7) Biggest inspiration - who is is?

8) Dangerous food. What is your favorite not-so-good-for-you indulgence?

9) Secret talent. Everybody's got one.

10) Goofiest ambition. It may not be running away to join the circus, but what would you do at least once if practicality were no object?

Now, you may be wondering what any of this has to do with Liam Neeson. The answer is: absolutely nothing except he is someone I would like to get to know :) And everyone needs a little eye candy once in awhile.

So, Ladies, answer away!

I am soooooo PMS-ing!! And I'm HUNGRY!

The first half of the day yesterday, I did great. The second half of the day, not so great. I had a little bit of chocolate, and alot of pretzels last night. What is it with that kind of combination right before my period?! It's actually kinda funny... one of my better girlfriends that I've made at the Y is in the same boat as where I am in my cycle, and she ate the EXACT same things that I did last night. Cravings are weird. Anyhow, I've already resloved that I WILL NOT eat a single one of that hideous pile of candybars that my mother bought for my boys yesterday. I'm just not gonna do it. I had my "fun" last night. Did I mention that I'm ready to start my period?
Here's some numbers:
Tuesday:
1,686 calories, and 11 glasses of water. I did 40 minutes of cardio, burning 571 calories, and lifted 23,500 pounds.

Wednesday: I'm estimating around 2,200 calories, and had 12 glasses of water. I didn't do any cardio today, but lifted 63,500 pounds.

w00t

I'm down another couple of pounds (Actually, 3!) this week. w00t! <--- geeky gamer/techie term expressing great satisfaction.



Time out for a picture on one of my walks. This is my favorite trail on which we walk.

In Which The Best Laid Plans Come Unravelled

So, my brilliant plan? Has just one flaw. It has to stop raining in order for me to implement it. I guess it's back to the Y (*big ol' sigh*).

Soggily,
Lisa

Quote of the week...

After I had finished my cardio yesterday, a woman that I've only really said "hello" to in passing, said something to me that was very encouraging. She said; 'I've not been here in five weeks, and I can really see a change in you. When I saw you on the treadmill, looking so good, and working so hard, I said to myself,"Wow, if she can do THAT, then I can certainly peddle faster on this stationary bike!"
Apparently I was able to inspire someone that I don't even know. How cool is THAT?!

Monday:
1,622 calories, and 15 glasses of water. I did 73 minutes of cardio, burning 1,017 calories, and lifted 28,000 pounds.

Introduction :)

My name is also Kristina. I think it reads Kris when I post, but I can go by anything you want :) as long as it is nice. I am 30 years old and a SAHM to 2 very active kids. I have been married for 13 years in July to a great guy.

I have been on many diets through out my life. I was a very active and skinny kid, up until Jr. High, when I started gaining weight. I have lost many pounds over the years to have it come back with friends. In April I lost a baby at 16 weeks and I decided then and there that I needed to get this weight off for good. To be healthy for my children and future children. I have missed out on a lot of life, because of my weight.

I started my journey on June 8, 2007. It took me a couple months to recover from the miscarriage. I have lost 24.8 pounds as of today. I have a lot to go, but am excited for the challenge. My personal blog is www.buddingblossoms.blogspot.com
Thanks for inviting me to this blog Jules. I have had fun reading about all you great ladies and think you all are doing a great job.
Kris

Costco Cookie Conundrum

This weekend was marked by one bad decision after another, and I'm still feeling hungover from the sugar I ate yesterday. Oh, it could be the Benedryl I took last night. I'll bet that's it. Anyway, I missed my big training walk after being up all night with a sick child, felt bad about that, had 3 glasses of wine Saturday night, woke up feeling like doing nothing. Big surprise, huh? Then I met my walking teammates for lunch on Sunday, had soup and salad and water. (Yay me! Trying to remember to give myself credit.)

After lunch I stopped at Costco for a few groceries. I was at the front, almost had gotten to the checkout line, and I TURNED AROUND and headed for the bakery section. I didn't even bother rationalizing the cookies I bought, instead I just told myself I WANT ONE. I did tell myself I'd only have one. Ha! I didn't even keep track of how many I ate. Then I had nachos for dinner. I didn't drink enough water for the rest of the day either.

So what went wrong? I missed my training walk and did have negative thoughts like I'm not going to be ready for this walk. Next week's training walk is going to be really hard now. My husband brought home beer, which always leads me to ask, "Did you bring me some wine?" Well, he had, but he left it out in the car. He was trying to cover his bases. Cheeky devil. Do you see why I didn't ask him to be my diet coach? Ha!

After drinking wine, I always feel sort of out of it the next day. It's almost like I'm mildly depressed again. I think it must deplete serotonin or something. That's my theory anyway. So, at Costco I was tired and sort of out of it, and that led to the cookie purchase. After eating one cookie I think I had some version of the well, now I might as well just blow the whole day negative thought process going on.

Here I am on Monday trying to get back on track. I need a way to deal with fatigue and stress that doesn't lead to eating or drinking alcohol. And today I need a way to get motivated and back on track.

Keeping my Cool & Making a Plan

I have gotten stuck, yet again, at 6-8 pounds heavier than I was last September. Muy frustrating. Yet I'm so anxious about everything else in my life right now that I feel like I'm perpetually only 5 minutes away from a small-scale panic attack - whether it be about my weight, my house, my job, my closet, my schedule, you name it. This doesn't happen to me. I'm not (usually) prone to panic. And I don't like it.

So here is my strategy, to solve all my problems in one fell swoop. I will wear myself out, physically. I always sleep best when at the end of the day I am just dog tired. I will do this by upping the walking I am doing, running when I feel like it, playing more tennis, kicking around the soccer ball when bored, and leaving work at work when I head out the door. I will stop when I am tired, and I will not cause injury to myself by overdoing anything. I will drink enough water so that I'm not so thirsty all the time, and I will calm down.

To that end, today's plan is: tennis (singles) tonight, at a park 2 miles from my house. The game starts at 7:30, so if I leave home at 7 I should make it to the park on time and have a half hour to listen to my new audiobook on my ipod and unwind from work. After we play, I will have another half-hour walk in which I can cool down after the game. If, after I get home and have dinner, I still feel wound up, I will take my neighbor up on her offer to join her in her nightly walk through the neighborhood.

Hopefully this will do the trick. I really hate being just a huge ball of stress because this really is not in my personality.

I've earned my brown "star" or level at the Y!

I've accumulated enough fit points to make it to the brown level a couple of days ago. You need to have 75,000 points to get to this level, so I'm pretty excited. : ) I'm calculating to reach my next level in 2 1/2 to 3 months. Each level they increase the points you have to earn, so this next one will be a toughie. Anyhow, I don't want to bore you guys, most of you don't even have membership, so you're not even sure what I'm talking about. : )

Saturday:
1,471 calories, and 11 glasses of water. I took a break from the Y today.

Sunday:
1,531 calories, and 18 glasses of water. I did 67 minutes of cardio, and burned 967 calories.

Haven't posted in awhile...

Hey, all. I have been MIA for awhile, sorry. Hmmm, where to start with my weight loss journey...well, as some of you know, after losing 70 lbs., I have just been maintaining for the last 5 months. This is good in that I have learned the "skill" of maintainence, but bad in that I haven't moved forward to attain my goal of 140 lbs. Just writing that number seems crazy to me. I have been vascilating between 161 and 164 now for so long. I keep losing and regaining the same 3 pounds. I have lost them enough times, accumulatively, to have reached my goal, and then some....so I am stuck.

In February, I believe, I had my sights set on bathing suit season and being able to get into a smaller sized suit, because I had plenty of time to achieve such a goal. June is here...didn't happen.

I just need to focus again. Focus on my dreams. I know the right formula. I just need to apply myself like Kristina and Jennifer and move ahead.

I need some cheerleading, I suppose. But putting my issues aside, I must say that I am so proud of all of you ladies, wheather you post often or just cheer the others on. We need each other and I am so proud of this place of community that we have created.

Love you all.
Jules

A Few Challenges

My weight is down another pound since Thursday. I'm really hoping I don't undo that. My first challenge was early last night. I remembered I had nothing to take along on my 12 mile training walk so I asked my husband to run out and get me some power bars and wheat thins. (I remembered another walker eating wheat thins on one of our walks.)

Well, having a box of "munchies" in the house presented a challenge and I think I had three or four unplanned handfuls of those. So, no more munchies for training walks. Either that or I need to have an individual serving package or something.

My next challenge this weekend is that I didn't go on my training walk because my 8 year old was up puking all night. Now I'm sitting here thinking I need to at least get a few miles in, but walking alone is easier to blow off than meeting with friends, and that's what I'm doing. I'm blowing it off minute by minute. I'm really having a tough time getting myself moving today. So, I'm going to get off the computer, read a bit of my book, which I just realized I've ignored for the last 2 days. (Need to work on consistency)

Now I'm going to spend a few minutes giving myself credit for what I have done well the last few days. I've made some really good food choices. I've been eating breakfast, whole grains, adding veggies and fruit, drinking plenty of water. I started my period and didn't binge once. I ended a plateau by losing weight last week, and some more over the last few days. I resisted those pink frosted sugar cookies that my mom had over at her house, even though I love those, even though I was really hungry, and I'm not sorry I didn't have them. In fact, I had completely rationalized that having one wouldn't be so bad. They are only 210 calories (per serving? Is giant cookie more than 1 serving? I didn't even look at that.) I'll eat a lighter lunch. Yada yada yada. But still, I recognized the rationalization for what it was and didn't have a cookie. I decluttered my closet and my dresser drawers so I have no more fat clothes, nor do I have any more clothes that are more than 1 size too small. When I get smaller it will be my joy and pleasure to buy more clothes!

Okay, that's it for today's coaching session. I'm off to do some reading and search for the motivation to get walking.

I so feel like celebrating over here!!!

I'm down another two pounds! I'm officially into the LOW 170's! 172.5 to be exact. I can't believe it, really I can't. I remember being extatic about just barely breaking into the 170's, and now getting into the 160's seems so completely doable. I only have 12.5 pounds to get to my goal you guys. : ) I'm flying high ladies, I'm flying high!

Friday's numbers:
1,605 calories, and 14 glasses of water. I did 50 minutes of cardio, burning 721 calories, and lifted 32,000 pounds.

It's official!

I got that extra half of a pound this morning. I'm down to 174.5... 80.5 pounds lost baby! My lowest weight since I began a year and a half ago. Whoooo!!!

Yesterday's numbers:
1,571 calories, and 16 glasses of water. I did 57 minutes of cardio, burning 890 calories, and lifted 66,500 pounds.

I Need a Diet Coach

In the book I'm reading (The Beck Diet Solution) the next step of the program is to find a diet coach. It occurred to me that coaching each other is exactly what this blog was set up for so I'm wondering if you will all be my coaches.
Here is what the book says about my "meetings" with my coach:

"Ideally, schedule a regular time to talk (face-to-face if possible), at least once a week and then in between by phone or by e-mail on an as-needed basis--daily, if necessary.

During your scheduled weekly meetings, you should talk about:

• Your change in weight during the past week. You don't have to state your actual weight, just how much the scale went up or down.
• The successes you had during the past week. Use the to-do lists at the end of each day to report on what you've done. Mention anything else that you deserve credit for, so your diet coach can positively reinforce what you've done.
• The struggles you had in the past weel. Talk about your cravings, slipups, or life stressors. Mention anything that might interfere with executing the steps of this program. Ask your coach to help you find ways to deal with setbacks and challenges in the future. Report your sabotaging thoughts and ask for help with how to respond to them."

The book goes on to outline other times I should initiate contact with my coach such as before entering a high-risk situation, like a party.


Right now I'm working, as per the program, on eating when sitting down only, eating slowly and mindfully, reading my advantages response card at least twice daily, and giving myself credit for all helpful dieting behaviors. (Good job me, for writing this post and asking for help!)

I'm finding that many of the behavior modifications and the diet preparations in the first week of this program are things that I've already dealt with. Like for today I'm supposed to work on preparing my environment for a diet. I did that a long time ago. If I had Doritos and Cheetos in my house I would not have lost 38 pounds so far!

So what do you say? Will you all be my coaches? I thought I'd step up my accountability here and report not only my successes, but my mistakes, and make Thursday my official day to check in.

Oh, and I updated my ticker today. I'm down 2.6 pounds this week! The book has really helped me refocus and I'm feeling more motivated again.

Six week journal report

I can't believe it's already been six weeks since I've started journaling again. I'm feeling so, SOOO much better! Down 16.5 pounds exactly. I was really looking for that extra half of a pound this morning, but alas, I've maintained at 175 since Monday. I'm not complaining, I'm just trying to get below my lowest weight since I've started this journey, almost a year and a half ago. Right now, I've tied it. : )

Tuesday: 1,716 calories, and 12 glasses of water. I did 40 minutes of cardio, burning 570 calories, and lifted 66,400 pounds.

Wednesday: 1,610 calories, and 15 glasses of water. I did 65 minutes of cardio, burning 904 calories, and lifted 43,300 pounds.

High or Low Intensity?

A really interesting article:

A Case Against Cardio (from a former mileage king)

A funny conversation from the Y...

Yesterday as I was in the weight room, I had a conversation with another gal who is about my same age. Anyhow, I've never really talked to her much before, other than saying hello. But this is how our conversation went;' So, I 've heard from so and so that you've lost eighty pounds?!' 'Yes I have.' 'Wow!' said she. 'Yeah, I have another fifteen to go'. 'Really?! I think that you already look like you are in amazing shape... you're very fortunate, you're one of those "curvy" girls, and you are perfectly porportioned. Where do you want to lose it from?' 'Thank you,' said I, but you've never seen me in my underpants. If you had, then you would KNOW'. : )

Monday's numbers:
1,616 calories, and 20 glasses of water. I did 30 minutes on the elliptical, burning 452 calories, and I lifted 45,600 pounds.

The Beck Diet Solution

I'm reading a book called The Beck Diet Solution by Judith S. Beck, Ph.D. It's not a diet, but rather a way to train yourself to think differently about food and dieting so that you can be successful at losing weight and maintaining your weight loss no matter which diet plan you choose. This is what I wrote today on my blog about my progress using this plan.

According the program laid out in The Beck Diet Solution, I need to create response cards. These are cards designed to be carried around and pulled out when sabotaging thoughts pop up, things like I just blew my diet with that chocolate cake so I might as well eat whatever I want for the rest of the day. That would be considered a sabotaging thought. One I've had myself more than once.

The first response card I was instructed to create was a list of reasons to lose weight. I'm supposed to read it twice a day and whenever else I feel tempted to stray from my diet. I'm on day 2 of the plan now, so I can't tell you whether it works or not, but it fits in with what I'm trying to do anyway, which is gain more control over what I eat, and change for a lifetime, not just lose weight for an event, only to gain it all back.

This is my list of reasons that I am now carrying around in my purse:

• I want to feel good.
• I want more energy.
• I want a long life.
• I want to wear cute clothes!
• I want to be more confident.
• Reaching my goal weight would be a great accomplishment.
• No more obsessing over what my body looks like.
• I want to smile when I look in the mirror.
• I want to swim in public.
• I want to be strong.
• I want to dance without being embarrassed.
  
• Clothes shopping will be fun again.
  
• Better sex. (I should say even better sex.)
• I want to be a good role model for my kids and others.
• My mom will be proud of me.
• I won't worry about what my in-laws think of me. (Although no one has ever given me any reason to believe they think ill of me, I imagine them thinking, Oh, our poor son married a pretty girl and look at her now. Silly, I know.)
• I want to be THIN for my 20th anniversary.
• I want to be a HOTTIE when I'm forty!
  

I've lost EIGHTY pounds!!!

I'm down another two pounds, to my amazement. I hosted a birthday party for my younger two sons on Saturday, and even allowed myself a piece of cake. In addittion to that, I went out to dinner with my hubby on Friday night too. I suppose all of my working out is really paying off. : )
I must confess though, I did hit the 80 pound mark once in December. But I only maintained that weight for about two days, (seriously). And then I started to gain again. Well that's not happenning this time girlfriends, NO WAY!!

Yesterday's numbers:
1,670 calories, and 13 glasses of water. I ran for an hour, burning 856 calories. No weights today.

I was able to run for an entire hour!

I'm so proud of myself! I've never been able to run for a whole hour. Usually, when I do a lot of cardio, I do it 50/50 with the elliptical and the treadmill, because running is harder for me. Anyhow, I was feelin' a little like Forrest Gump tonight, I just felt like a runnin'. : ) So, sixty minutes, 5.7 miles, 856 calories later... here I am!

Here's my numbers:
Thursday: 1,480 calories, and 13 glasses of water. I did 71 minutes of cardio, burning 1,015 calories, and lifted 40,500 pounds.

Friday: 1,885 calories, and 9 glasses of water. I did 60 minutes of cardio, burning 838 calories, and lifted 37,400 pounds.

Saturday: 1,604 calories, and 9 glasses of water. I didn't go to the Y today, I was hosting a birthday party

On Wardrobes and Paradoxes

I'm not sure how this happened, but even as I am losing weight I am apparently expanding.

My firm is a business-casual environment so I only have to wear a suit when I'm meeting with clients who expect it (some don't and I love them for that) or going to court. Or interviewing. I have an interview with a firm that I would really love working for in a couple of hours so last night I was picking out what to wear. I want to come across as professional but not trying too hard. A plain black suit was out for this reason. I tried on my favorite pinstripe suit which fit perfectly last fall but got tight around Christmas. Since I have lost a lot (but admittedly not all) of the weight I gained over Christmas (but still weigh a lot less than the first time I was actually able to put on the suit and wear it in public), I figured it would work. Sadly, I was wrong, and the poor zipper practically sobbed as I zipped it up.

Of course, I have other suits that will work - in fact, I'm wearing one right now - but this somewhat mystifies me. I seem to be expanding, even though my weight is shrinking. Begging the question - where exactly am I losing this weight?

I'm stumped, but I hope it's nowhere important.

Anyway, wish me luck. I'm nervous (which really never happens to me) so I could definitely use it.

Hasta luego,

Lisa

My 14th wedding anniversary!

Blake and I have enjoyed 14 wonderful years together! What an amazing journey we are on! I spent the day walking down memory lane, watching my wedding video and looking through scrapbooks and mementos with my children. Reese, my 4 yo, wanted to know where he was at during my wedding ceremony. He was convinced that he was in his "class". And when we were delayed driving away after the reception because I couldn't find my purse, he was certain that I had left my purse with him, in his "class". He remembered....so cute.

At dinner (I enjoyed the Copper River salmon) I asked Blake if there was one thing that has surprised him about me in our marriage, he said, "Well, I never expected you to look like you do now..." That was very gratifying. He also said I looked "hot" when we walked into the restaurant, after being complemented as "cute" for most of my life, but NEVER "hot", that was also a confidence booster. I am so glad that I have put my health first these past 18 months.

I'm reaching hard for my goal!

I'm down another 1.5 pounds from last week. Just 17 more to go you guys, just 17 more! I'm down exactly 78 pounds now... I can't wait until I actually push past the 80 pound mark. Hopefully within the next few weeks, I will. I am just so pumped this morning.
Today marks my 5th week of journaling, and In that time I've lost 14.5. It's amazing how even just that much weight can boost a person's confidence. I'm just feeling so good about myself.

Tuesday: 1,611 calories, and 12 glasses of water. I did 45 minutes of cardio, burning 709 calories, and lifted 46,100 pounds.

Wednesday: 1,601 calories, and 16 glasses of water. I did 62 minutes of cardio, burning 900 calories, and lifted 45,100 pounds.

Old Photos of Kris and Julie!

A visual of the shrinking lady

We all agree Kris is gorgeous at any weight. This is a visual of her physical body as compared in the two pictures. (her head isn't on here as it is unnecessary to compare beauty to beauty)

Black: before
Blue - After

I'm 39 now, and PROUD of it!

Just a few shots from last night. A number of mygirlfriends took me out to Mexican last night. I had two of the most delicious margaritas. And, oh yeah, my dinner was really good too.

Sunday: 1,556 calories, and 12 glasses of water. I did 72 minutes of cardio, burning 1,053 calories, and lifted 43,300 pounds.

Monday: 1,791 calories (my birthday), and 10 glasses of water. I did 65 minutes of cardio, burning 888 calories, and lifted 36,300 pounds.

Bad, But in a Good Way

Well, I ate very well this weekend when I went home to see my family and by very well I mean very bad. Enchiladas for dinner, Crepes Fitzgerald for breakfast the next morning (thanks to my daddy), and a 3:00 a.m. bowl of queso with my best friend before she moved to upstate New York en route to Boston somewhere in between.

Although the food was pretty fattening (but oh-so-yummy), I actually did fairly well. I only ate when I was hungry. I stopped when I had enough. And I didn't eat just because someone was trying to feed me (which in my family happens quite frequently).

I had a great time, though, and got to see all of my mom's sibs (she's one of nine kids) and their families even though none of my brothers were around.

Oh, and I have a very promising interview at a place I'd really like to work set up for Thursday afternoon.

Things seem to be looking up all around.

Happy Birthday to My Kristina!!!!!!!

Yes, it's true, the beautiful Kristina is celebrating another magnificent year of her life! And what a year it has been, ladies!! Do we love this fireball of human strength and willpower or what??? Thank you, darling girl, for inspiring us all and loving us and being the woman God made you to be. You deserve the very best of days, Chickie.

Forever, your Jules

My "baby" is three today! Here's a comparison from two years ago!

Okay, so this time, when I did see the photos right beside one another, I DID cry. And then my husband came beside me and started crying too. He's so proud of me. : ) And he just kept saying,"wow". I was crying because I'm so much happier now. Happier, and clearly much healthier too.
You know, this journey that I've been on this last 17 months has been very difficult at times. But then I see the photos of my old self, and I see the sheer pride and joy in my husbands eyes, and I realize that that is all of the fuel that I need for this fire of mine. For several days, at least.

Anyhow, here's yesterday's numbers: 1,649 calories, and 10 glasses of water. No YMCA today, I went on a date with my guy. : )

This is time consuming...but well worth it.

May 25th I began a journey that will last the rest of my life. I wrote this on my other blog May 26th.

My summer will be filled with becoming Sugar Free. WHAT? you may ask. I have been struggling the past 12 months with stalled out weight loss. I just thought I was crazy. I am moody, irritable, binging, and plateaued on weight loss. I have struggled and struggled. I started working out 4 days a week back in January and still have not lost any more weight. Monday, I had had enough. I bowed my head on the treadmill and cried to God to help me find what was wrong.
Tuesday, a book I had ordered from Paper Back Swap came called Your Last Diet. I read it from cover to cover. It was as if the author had read my mind and knew just what was going on in my head.

I am sugar sensitive. I have begun to become sugar free. I am only on Step 1 (adding protein to my breakfast) but I know this is what I had been praying for. I already am feeling more alive and better than I have in the past 12 months. Let the journey begin!!!

OK: I have added Step 2 and Step 3 also now. It has now been 16 days and low and behold, my body has started to realize I am not starving it. I have felt better mentally and physically than I have all year. Part of this program is to take it ssssslllloooowwwlllyyyy. Do not hurry which I am prone to do. I want quick results and I WANT IT NOW!!. I knew I had an addictive personality but no one had hit the nail on the head and identified that SUGAR was the thing that called my name.

If I need to stay in these three steps for a while then I will. Weight has started to come off but I realize this is not the most important part. The mental stability and physical stability is more important. By journaling not only what I eat but also how I feel at the time has helped me see when I eat over feelings, boredom, stress, loneliness, etc.

I started January 2006 at 306. (part of this journey is admiting how much I weight which is hard as I have always lied about it). I lost 30 on Weight Watchers and since October of last year I have not lost any more. God has helped me learn through this time that only HE can be the one I rely on and that I must be willing for Him to be in control. Setting Captives Free was great in teaching me that God is in control of this eating.

I have gained and lost the same 10 pounds over and over since then. I am getting off of this roller coaster and onto the slow boat to China (ok, not China, but health). It is hard work. Summer is great to do this and God knew I needed the slow pace of summer in which to succeed. He waited until we were done with school to bring this into my life. He knows me so well. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for His love and care of me.

If you are still reading this, thanks for the prayers and love this past year as I struggled and struggled, had some success and then failed again. I will fail again but now I am on the road to recovery instead of weight loss. I am on the road to sanity instead of craziness. I am on the road to wholeness instead of scatteredness. I am a sugar addict and it totally messes with me. Now I am becoming sugar free and with God and my family here to see me through, I will continue to feel better.

I can feel the power!

The power of journaling, that is. No,I've not lost any more weight the last couple of days, but I am just feeling so empowered by making the right choices, and in moderation. The journaling just keeps me honest, and on track.
My birthday is in a couple of days, and my mom is coming over today to babysit, so my honey and I can have a day long date! Anyhow, my point is, that LAST NIGHT I made the choices for what I would put in my mouth TODAY. I've already recorded my lunch, and the drink that I will have with my lunch. I've recorded my "safe" treat that I'll be sneaking into the movie theater, etc... everything but my dinner,( which I'll be having at home anyhow). I did this so that I wouldn't be a pig, and it is easy for me to do that on days such as this. Last year when Willem and I went out to celebrate my birthday, I ate so much candy in the theater, that I felt sick, and felt the effects of it the next day too. Soooo, no thank you!
Here's the numbers from the last couple of days:

Thursday: 1,611 calories, and 11 glasses of water. I did 30 minutes of cardio, burning 450 calories, and lifted 36,000 pounds.
Friday: 1,651 calories, and 17 glasses of water. I did 70 minutes of cardio, burning 1,008 calories. No weight training today. I went in at 5:00 am. today, and I was tired. Imagine that?

I Have to Face it,...

I've reached a plateau. I knew I probably would, but I was hoping I'd be closer to my goal before it happened. When doing what was working before stops working it makes me want to have a little binge. The dialog in my head goes like this:

Well, chicky, you are going to have to step up and work a little harder. Journaling like Kristina might be a good thing, and you know you need to not only walk longer, but more often. Oh, and some weight training is necessary too. So, go for it...starting Monday. That means this weekend you can PART-AY!

Uh, yeah. That is what is going through my head, and the really dangerous thing with this mentality is it is exactly how I gained all this weight to begin with. When I think about the hard work that I need to do, first I want to put it off just a bit longer, and in the meantime I want to eat a few of those forbidden foods before I knuckle down. A few rounds in that cycle and I'm fat and depressed again.

Ugh. Thanks for listening. I'll not do that this time.

Amy... I miss seeing you post

Hey girlfriend, are you alright? I keep looking for your input, I miss seeing you here. I visited your other blog. It looks like you had yourself a good read. : ) Check in and let us see how you're doing , girl.

I'm into the 170's!!! Hurray!

Down another two pounds, and I am indeed celebrating over here! I'm into the 170's. 178.5 to be exact. I'm less than twenty pounds away from my goal now you guys! It's VERY exciting. Four weeks of journaling and I'm down exactly 13 pounds. I knew I wasn't sweating so hard just for nothin'. : )

Tuesday: 1,570 calories, and 14 glasses of water. I did 70 minutes of cardio, burning 1,020 calories, and lifted 14,500 pounds.

Wednesday: 1,511 calories, and 17 glasses of water. I did 68 minutes of cardio, burning 940 calories, and lifted 33,000 pounds.

To Get To Where I'm Going

I haven't driven since last Friday. Instead, I have walked.

I think it may be one of those "to see if I can actually do it" things, but I have refused to drive this week, instead using public transportation and - more frequently since I have an irrational fear of buses - heading out a pied. I have gone and done my weekly grocery shopping, made it to work, gone out to dinner with friends, gotten out to my favorite park, made my tennis game, and a bunch of other things. Note that I have not made it to the Y - I can't bring myself to go right now.

While my feet feel a little like they would like to fall off, I figure all of this walking is mitigating my refusal to work out. So until I can make it to the gym, I'm going to keep my ipod charged and keep up this walking campaign.

Yesterday, I conservatively estimate that I walked nearly 8 miles. Today it should only be about 5.

I pulled these out of the dresser today, and it almost made me cry

, originally uploaded by willemkristina@verizon.net.

I was nearly overcome with emotion this morning as I pulled these out of the drawer. My infamous 22 wides. It made me think back to when I actually filled those pants, and how I perceived myself at that time. I was stuck there for years you guys, years. Years of hiding below layers of clothes. Too ashamed to wear shorts in a public place. Too depressed to go clothes shopping. I remember not even wanting to look up as I walked around... I was ashamed of myself.
BUT I HAVE OVERCOME!! I am a champion. And no one will ever be able to take that away from me. I will not revisit my old ways. I am a new, and beautiful person. I am a champion.

A lesson for me in what NOT to wear to the YMCA!

I wore a shirt today to the Y that I've not worn in probably a month or so. Not since I've really kicked up the cardio and been sweating as much as humanly possible. Well, the shirt when it was dry, was already a little bit see-through, especially with a white sports bra. I honestly didn't think much of it, until AFTER my 70 minutes of cardio, and I happenned to look down at my SOAKING WET chest. You see, I don't just sweat under my arms, or merely on my back, oh no. My now very see-through shirt was wet, and sticking to me nearly all of the way down to my belly button. No wonder the man working at the Y milling around and talking to other members, stopped dead in his tracks and stared, and smiled at me with a surpised expression. Sheesh!! I was embarrassed. I did get a towel and put it over my shoulders. It did conceal me fairly well. But after only about eight minutes of lifting weights, I got my embarrassed butt out of there. I think maybe I'll not wear that shirt there anymore.

Here's yesterday's numbers: 1,338 calories, and 17 glasses of water. I did 60 minutes of cardio, burning 838 calories, and lifted 45,300 pounds.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

This sorta panicky moment is brought to you as a stress relief - for everyone on this blog who is worried about the pound (and/or it's friends) that they've rejoined, the water they're retaining, the attitude and outlook of the younger generation, the plateaus they've reached, the stress eating they've done, the half-pound to go, and everything else that claims our time, attention, and energy. It seems like everyone's been getting just a little anxious here lately.

You are all beautiful, fabulous women and I'm proud to "know" each of you. From Jennifer's amazing dedication to Kristina's pure energy, Julie's beautiful spirit to Amy's wonderful sense of humor, Melissa's incredible accomplishments to Elicia's off-the-wall-hilarious wit, SueAnne's unique outlook and determination, everybody here is somebody I feel it is a privilege to know.

So to everyone who is stressed about anything, remember that (in the words of my momma) "all will be well." With such an incredible group around you, how could it not be?

Just a Whine, You Don't Mind, Do You?

*~*~*~*cross-posted from my blog*~*~*~*

In almost two weeks I haven't lost any weight at all! I thought I had lost a pound yesterday, but it was back this morning. I know I've done a lot, but today I'm a tiny bit discouraged.

I'm asking myself what is going on. Have I lost my momentum?

One thing that is affecting me is stress. We've hit a financial bump in the road, and that has been very stressful for me the last two weeks. Allergies are kicking my butt, but good! I'm sneezing and snorting snot as I type this. I have a pile of tissues on the desk in front of me. This has been a very bad allergy season for me.

When I'm doing well I don't want to believe that my resolve is such a fragile thing, but today it's a tiny ember. I need some energy so I can stoke my fire.

I made an aggressive goal a couple of weeks ago. When my weight hit 214 I decided I would be out of the 200's by the end of June. Is it a coincidence that I haven't lost a pound since I said that? I just don't know.

In the meantime, I'm reevaluating, and my new goal is to eat mindfully over the next three days, making the most of every food choice, to drink lots of water, and to take my walks. We'll see if a little more conscious effort is all I need to start losing weight again.

Hey, there is good news, though. A friend gave me some size 14 capri-length pants last night, and one of them actually fit comfortably. Of course, I still have a pair of 16's in my drawer that are too tight, so it's hard to be terribly excited. I hate the size differences from clothing maker to maker. It can really mess with a woman's mind.

One more bit of good news. Last night Rooster said, "Mommy's getting skinny. I can tell because her shirt is all wrinkly." It's true, my fat belly left no room for wrinkles in that particular shirt just a few months ago. Yay for wrinkly shirts!

I'm just a 1/2 of a pound away from breaking into the 170's!

Without a week of weighing, due to my cycle, I was a bit nervous this morning. But I checked, and I am down! From the last bloated weight, I am down three pounds. : ) 180.5, I am soooo close to the 170's that I can taste it. I'm so pumped, I am ready for the Y this morning, just let me tell ya. Especially since I took yesterday, (Sunday) off.

Here's yesterday's numbers:

1,391 calories, and 14 glasses of water.

Weighing in (and other things)

So. I gained a pound two weeks ago, right?

I thought "Oh, it's water weight. It's my 'time' and it'll be gone next week."

Nope.

It stayed, and brought three of its closest friends.

I don't know how I gained four pounds in two weeks, other than a nibble here, a nibble there, and a general feeling of malaise.

But I'm back on track now. I'm back to moving more, even if it means all I have time for is parking at the end of the Wal Mart parking lot or an extra trip around the store. I'm back to focusing on putting more "good stuff" in to my body, and less processed junk.

On another, slightly related note:

I've noticed that my five-year-old daughter has talked a lot lately about being "thin." I don't know where this is coming from, honestly, because 1. I don't talk that way about myself or anyone else, and 2. I try my best not to talk about my weight in front of her. Yes, she's gone to a couple of WW meetings with me, several months ago, but she never stays in the room with me (we meet at a church gym) during the lecture - she's always playing in the hall.

She asked me once, about a year ago, why I went to WW. I told her it was because I didn't take care of myself when I was younger, and it caused me to not be healthy. But now, I was doing things to make myself healthier - eating better and exercising.

And that's what I tell her now, when we go to eat fast food and I order her fruit and milk with her kids meal instead of fries and Sprite - that we need to eat better so our bodies can be healthy. Those fries and Sprite are "sometimes" foods.

How do we, as parents, and parents of girls in particular, keep the focus on "health" and not "thinness?" She told me the other day that she was glad to be thin, and I told her that it was more important to be healthy - because there are plenty of thin people who aren't healthy, and plenty of people who may not be considered "thin" but take good care of themselves.

Any ideas on how to refocus her on health, and not a body size? I'm slightly panicking here, and hoping it isn't all my fault!

Checking In

I didn't lose any weight at all last week, and this week I'm only down 1 pound so far. I think the heat and my allergies are bringing me down a bit, so I may have to get used to the idea of pushing back my goal to leave the 200's behind by the end of June. That's okay, losing a little every week is still good, and I can live with an occasional week with no loss as long as it doesn't become a trend.
This is a picture of me heading out to a fund raiser yesterday. This is our team T-shirt. I'm writing the names of people I've been asked to remember and pray for while I'm walking, along with one who was a friend of mine.

Just more journaling...

Thursday: 1,624 calories, and 16 glasses of water. I went to the Y in the evening and did my weights, but the weight room was sooo hot that I didn't feel well enough to do my cardio. I did however lift a whopping 71,250 pounds! : )

Friday: 1,719 calories, 11 glasses of water. 74 minutes of cardio, burning 1,070 calories, and I lifted 40,500 pounds.

Saturday: 1,592 calories, 12 glasses of water. 75 minutes of cardio, burning 1,093 calories, and I lifted 41,500 pounds. I was sooo encouraged when I combined my miles from the elliptical and the treadmill this day. Mostly I just pay attention to the calories I'm burning, as I am doing both machines consistantly together now. But when I tallied the mileage, I realized that I had done 6.57 miles! I'm so proud of myself. I've been working so hard.

Feeling bold, feeling beautiful, feeling STRONG! My fitlinxx stats for May

, originally uploaded by willemkristina@verizon.net.

For the month of May, I am proud to report my numbers. And here they are:

I burned 19,018 calories. Placing me 1st in my age group, 3rd for all women, and 10th for the whole Y.

I lifted 915,890 pounds worth of weights. Placing me 1st in my age group, 1st for all women, and 3rd for the whole Y.

I earned 18,819 fit points. Placing me 1st in my age group, 1st for all women, and 4th over all.

I AM A MACHINE!!! There aint no stoppin' me! Whooo!

Forward, March!

So, against all logic, I lost a little over a pound this week.

It kind of disgusts me that such a bad week can produce results since I haven't been eating right, haven't been exercising, and haven't done much except stress out yet I have improvement. Yet when everything's going right, I go to the gym or play tennis regularly, and eat particularly well, I get stuck on the plateau.

All the same, it's more than a pound closer to my goal. I'm not going to let it disgust me that much.

Have a wonderful weekend, ladies.

Lisa