I was in the shower this morning thinking about my life and this idea popped into my head. Why is it that when the going gets tough my needs get placed on the back burner? I have to really ask myself this question often. I am continually amazed at how often I bend and go out of my way to handle certain situations, or to soften the blow for others. Now don't get me wrong- this is not a complaint, just an observation. The last 3 to 4 weeks of my life feel like they have been lived on autopilot. I feel as if there has been so much to do and so many obligations that I have been treading water, so to speak, to just keep from drowning. Now that things have slowed down the rebellion kicks in. You know the rebellion that says I have earned that mixed drink or I am to darn tired to go workout. I can come up with all kinds of evidence that I am justified in my rebellious relaxation by just looking at how stinking busy I have been.
I am recognizing a pattern of self neglect. I have often called this self neglect "motherhood". You know that if the baby cries in the middle of the night you have to go feed it regardless if you feel like it or not. Well my babies have grown out of that stage and I still find myself in that "mothering- do it all" mode. Often it comes in the form of projects. The CD project of my hubby's, our homeschool projects, our home improvement projects, extended family obligations etc.... Pretty soon I am looking at my food journal and realizing that I haven't eaten a real food item all week. I have survived off of carrot sticks, energy bars and diet Pepsi. ( I know carrots are real food but you can't live off of just carrots!)
Well, needless to say this is not okay with me. Somehow I have to learn to work in me time everyday. Even when everyone else is standing around me screaming for my attention. In fact on those days I need to work in EXTRA me time. It is so hard for me to get used to doing that. I go into fix- it mode, and I put myself at the end of the list. I weighed in today and I have lost .8 pounds for the week. Not a lot, but still a loss. I have also slowed down enough to realize that I have been running at full steam and putting myself last. If this weightloss plan is going to be something I can maintain I need to be eating things that are healthy. I think the hardest part for me is that I have known I wasn't eating super healthy and I kept doing it because it was easy and fast. Alas I have found the only error in the Weight Watcher points plan. It doesn't matter what you are eating as long as you are only eating a certain amount of points. You can have chocolate pudding, energy bars, a mocha and a bowl of popcorn. See what I mean, not a sustainable way of eating. Now I still love the program and I am still losing weight. I am just making a new commitment to taking the time I need to make healthy choices.
This means planning ahead and putting me first occasionally. It means being prepared with healthy snacks and pre-made meals for life's unexpected chaos. It means taking my vitamins and drinking my water. ( I have done better in this area lately!)
I guess there is a little bit of guilt associated with putting myself first. Somewhere I feel like that isn't my job. Funny hu? So... this week I commit to putting myself first and meeting my goals.
Jenny V.
P.S. My dear hubby said to me tonight- " I am not sure you should lose anymore weight, there will be nothing left of you." Isn't that the sweetest! Of course I promptly showed him all the jiggly parts I still have left to lose so he wouldn't worry about me wasting away. Ba,ha,ha!!
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6 comments:
First of all, Jenny, keep that man and never, ever ever let him go! What a comment! And second of all, I applaud you on your effort and commitment to put yourself first. The odd thing is that everyone else's needs will be met, in a far superior way because you will be fully charged and happy and content and able to meet their needs with 110%
Yeah, Jenny!
Proud of you (POY)
Jules
Most moms are the best caregivers in the world, except when the patient is themselves. Physician heal thyself really applies to us moms. If you take care of yourself it is a good witness to your children that they will remember and follow. The family depends on you for so much, put yourself first so you can take care of them. They'll thank you and love you for it.
I sent you an e-mail about the weight class. Thank you for being such a good friend and caring.
Oh and by the way, when you said your weight and where you want to get down to....I would love to be at your starting weight (haha)
Keep up your shining example to us all.
I agree with both of these women Jenny. And, oh yeah, tell your husband he deserves a raise for those kinds of compliments. : )
I know for myself, I had put myself on the back burner for years. Serving, serving, serving, which is a huge part of motherhood. But, not everything to womanhood. Since I have been putting myself as a priority as well, the entire family has benefited, because I am a happier person. I'm taking time to excercise, therefore, I have more energy, and feel better about myself. I take the time to keep my nails up. It may be only a simple thing, but it's a thing that says to me, I am important. I am important enough to make time for ME.
I'm not a mom yet but I know I see that in alot of moms!! I hope you guys can remind me to not get caught when I AM a mom- I don't want to slip back into unhealthy not-taking-care-of me.
On the WW thing- you hit on the exact reason why I can't do their points plan. I don't have enough discipline to make healthy choices when they are options... that's why I love the old exchange- I'm FORCEd to make healthy choices. For ME, this is what works. I'm proud of you for recognizing this and making a commitment to work the plan in a more healthy way!
Boy can we all relate. Taking care of yourself is important. But don't get down on yourself for pouring into others. As life-givers, it is the way God designed us and each season has it's special needs as well as bonuses. Think of how enchanting and wonderful the infant season is! BUT wowza-exausting is an understatement. None of us do well on lack of sleep.
I am happy to be in a season where I feel I can pay more attention to my health. But I don't want to become obsessed either. It is all about the BALANCE baby!
SueAnne
Wow, I'm embarassed because I haven't needed to set aside any me time in a long while. I have officially surgically carved ME time into my life. My hubby knows how much I cherish my alone time and I fight tooth and nail to not only get it but keep it. Ihave him now suggesting, "Why don't you go get a massage, honey?".
I know you can do it too :-)
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