I'm 39 now, and PROUD of it!

Just a few shots from last night. A number of mygirlfriends took me out to Mexican last night. I had two of the most delicious margaritas. And, oh yeah, my dinner was really good too.

Sunday: 1,556 calories, and 12 glasses of water. I did 72 minutes of cardio, burning 1,053 calories, and lifted 43,300 pounds.

Monday: 1,791 calories (my birthday), and 10 glasses of water. I did 65 minutes of cardio, burning 888 calories, and lifted 36,300 pounds.

Bad, But in a Good Way

Well, I ate very well this weekend when I went home to see my family and by very well I mean very bad. Enchiladas for dinner, Crepes Fitzgerald for breakfast the next morning (thanks to my daddy), and a 3:00 a.m. bowl of queso with my best friend before she moved to upstate New York en route to Boston somewhere in between.

Although the food was pretty fattening (but oh-so-yummy), I actually did fairly well. I only ate when I was hungry. I stopped when I had enough. And I didn't eat just because someone was trying to feed me (which in my family happens quite frequently).

I had a great time, though, and got to see all of my mom's sibs (she's one of nine kids) and their families even though none of my brothers were around.

Oh, and I have a very promising interview at a place I'd really like to work set up for Thursday afternoon.

Things seem to be looking up all around.

Happy Birthday to My Kristina!!!!!!!

Yes, it's true, the beautiful Kristina is celebrating another magnificent year of her life! And what a year it has been, ladies!! Do we love this fireball of human strength and willpower or what??? Thank you, darling girl, for inspiring us all and loving us and being the woman God made you to be. You deserve the very best of days, Chickie.

Forever, your Jules

My "baby" is three today! Here's a comparison from two years ago!

Okay, so this time, when I did see the photos right beside one another, I DID cry. And then my husband came beside me and started crying too. He's so proud of me. : ) And he just kept saying,"wow". I was crying because I'm so much happier now. Happier, and clearly much healthier too.
You know, this journey that I've been on this last 17 months has been very difficult at times. But then I see the photos of my old self, and I see the sheer pride and joy in my husbands eyes, and I realize that that is all of the fuel that I need for this fire of mine. For several days, at least.

Anyhow, here's yesterday's numbers: 1,649 calories, and 10 glasses of water. No YMCA today, I went on a date with my guy. : )

This is time consuming...but well worth it.

May 25th I began a journey that will last the rest of my life. I wrote this on my other blog May 26th.

My summer will be filled with becoming Sugar Free. WHAT? you may ask. I have been struggling the past 12 months with stalled out weight loss. I just thought I was crazy. I am moody, irritable, binging, and plateaued on weight loss. I have struggled and struggled. I started working out 4 days a week back in January and still have not lost any more weight. Monday, I had had enough. I bowed my head on the treadmill and cried to God to help me find what was wrong.
Tuesday, a book I had ordered from Paper Back Swap came called Your Last Diet. I read it from cover to cover. It was as if the author had read my mind and knew just what was going on in my head.

I am sugar sensitive. I have begun to become sugar free. I am only on Step 1 (adding protein to my breakfast) but I know this is what I had been praying for. I already am feeling more alive and better than I have in the past 12 months. Let the journey begin!!!

OK: I have added Step 2 and Step 3 also now. It has now been 16 days and low and behold, my body has started to realize I am not starving it. I have felt better mentally and physically than I have all year. Part of this program is to take it ssssslllloooowwwlllyyyy. Do not hurry which I am prone to do. I want quick results and I WANT IT NOW!!. I knew I had an addictive personality but no one had hit the nail on the head and identified that SUGAR was the thing that called my name.

If I need to stay in these three steps for a while then I will. Weight has started to come off but I realize this is not the most important part. The mental stability and physical stability is more important. By journaling not only what I eat but also how I feel at the time has helped me see when I eat over feelings, boredom, stress, loneliness, etc.

I started January 2006 at 306. (part of this journey is admiting how much I weight which is hard as I have always lied about it). I lost 30 on Weight Watchers and since October of last year I have not lost any more. God has helped me learn through this time that only HE can be the one I rely on and that I must be willing for Him to be in control. Setting Captives Free was great in teaching me that God is in control of this eating.

I have gained and lost the same 10 pounds over and over since then. I am getting off of this roller coaster and onto the slow boat to China (ok, not China, but health). It is hard work. Summer is great to do this and God knew I needed the slow pace of summer in which to succeed. He waited until we were done with school to bring this into my life. He knows me so well. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for His love and care of me.

If you are still reading this, thanks for the prayers and love this past year as I struggled and struggled, had some success and then failed again. I will fail again but now I am on the road to recovery instead of weight loss. I am on the road to sanity instead of craziness. I am on the road to wholeness instead of scatteredness. I am a sugar addict and it totally messes with me. Now I am becoming sugar free and with God and my family here to see me through, I will continue to feel better.

I can feel the power!

The power of journaling, that is. No,I've not lost any more weight the last couple of days, but I am just feeling so empowered by making the right choices, and in moderation. The journaling just keeps me honest, and on track.
My birthday is in a couple of days, and my mom is coming over today to babysit, so my honey and I can have a day long date! Anyhow, my point is, that LAST NIGHT I made the choices for what I would put in my mouth TODAY. I've already recorded my lunch, and the drink that I will have with my lunch. I've recorded my "safe" treat that I'll be sneaking into the movie theater, etc... everything but my dinner,( which I'll be having at home anyhow). I did this so that I wouldn't be a pig, and it is easy for me to do that on days such as this. Last year when Willem and I went out to celebrate my birthday, I ate so much candy in the theater, that I felt sick, and felt the effects of it the next day too. Soooo, no thank you!
Here's the numbers from the last couple of days:

Thursday: 1,611 calories, and 11 glasses of water. I did 30 minutes of cardio, burning 450 calories, and lifted 36,000 pounds.
Friday: 1,651 calories, and 17 glasses of water. I did 70 minutes of cardio, burning 1,008 calories. No weight training today. I went in at 5:00 am. today, and I was tired. Imagine that?

I Have to Face it,...

I've reached a plateau. I knew I probably would, but I was hoping I'd be closer to my goal before it happened. When doing what was working before stops working it makes me want to have a little binge. The dialog in my head goes like this:

Well, chicky, you are going to have to step up and work a little harder. Journaling like Kristina might be a good thing, and you know you need to not only walk longer, but more often. Oh, and some weight training is necessary too. So, go for it...starting Monday. That means this weekend you can PART-AY!

Uh, yeah. That is what is going through my head, and the really dangerous thing with this mentality is it is exactly how I gained all this weight to begin with. When I think about the hard work that I need to do, first I want to put it off just a bit longer, and in the meantime I want to eat a few of those forbidden foods before I knuckle down. A few rounds in that cycle and I'm fat and depressed again.

Ugh. Thanks for listening. I'll not do that this time.

Amy... I miss seeing you post

Hey girlfriend, are you alright? I keep looking for your input, I miss seeing you here. I visited your other blog. It looks like you had yourself a good read. : ) Check in and let us see how you're doing , girl.

I'm into the 170's!!! Hurray!

Down another two pounds, and I am indeed celebrating over here! I'm into the 170's. 178.5 to be exact. I'm less than twenty pounds away from my goal now you guys! It's VERY exciting. Four weeks of journaling and I'm down exactly 13 pounds. I knew I wasn't sweating so hard just for nothin'. : )

Tuesday: 1,570 calories, and 14 glasses of water. I did 70 minutes of cardio, burning 1,020 calories, and lifted 14,500 pounds.

Wednesday: 1,511 calories, and 17 glasses of water. I did 68 minutes of cardio, burning 940 calories, and lifted 33,000 pounds.

To Get To Where I'm Going

I haven't driven since last Friday. Instead, I have walked.

I think it may be one of those "to see if I can actually do it" things, but I have refused to drive this week, instead using public transportation and - more frequently since I have an irrational fear of buses - heading out a pied. I have gone and done my weekly grocery shopping, made it to work, gone out to dinner with friends, gotten out to my favorite park, made my tennis game, and a bunch of other things. Note that I have not made it to the Y - I can't bring myself to go right now.

While my feet feel a little like they would like to fall off, I figure all of this walking is mitigating my refusal to work out. So until I can make it to the gym, I'm going to keep my ipod charged and keep up this walking campaign.

Yesterday, I conservatively estimate that I walked nearly 8 miles. Today it should only be about 5.

I pulled these out of the dresser today, and it almost made me cry

, originally uploaded by willemkristina@verizon.net.

I was nearly overcome with emotion this morning as I pulled these out of the drawer. My infamous 22 wides. It made me think back to when I actually filled those pants, and how I perceived myself at that time. I was stuck there for years you guys, years. Years of hiding below layers of clothes. Too ashamed to wear shorts in a public place. Too depressed to go clothes shopping. I remember not even wanting to look up as I walked around... I was ashamed of myself.
BUT I HAVE OVERCOME!! I am a champion. And no one will ever be able to take that away from me. I will not revisit my old ways. I am a new, and beautiful person. I am a champion.

A lesson for me in what NOT to wear to the YMCA!

I wore a shirt today to the Y that I've not worn in probably a month or so. Not since I've really kicked up the cardio and been sweating as much as humanly possible. Well, the shirt when it was dry, was already a little bit see-through, especially with a white sports bra. I honestly didn't think much of it, until AFTER my 70 minutes of cardio, and I happenned to look down at my SOAKING WET chest. You see, I don't just sweat under my arms, or merely on my back, oh no. My now very see-through shirt was wet, and sticking to me nearly all of the way down to my belly button. No wonder the man working at the Y milling around and talking to other members, stopped dead in his tracks and stared, and smiled at me with a surpised expression. Sheesh!! I was embarrassed. I did get a towel and put it over my shoulders. It did conceal me fairly well. But after only about eight minutes of lifting weights, I got my embarrassed butt out of there. I think maybe I'll not wear that shirt there anymore.

Here's yesterday's numbers: 1,338 calories, and 17 glasses of water. I did 60 minutes of cardio, burning 838 calories, and lifted 45,300 pounds.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

This sorta panicky moment is brought to you as a stress relief - for everyone on this blog who is worried about the pound (and/or it's friends) that they've rejoined, the water they're retaining, the attitude and outlook of the younger generation, the plateaus they've reached, the stress eating they've done, the half-pound to go, and everything else that claims our time, attention, and energy. It seems like everyone's been getting just a little anxious here lately.

You are all beautiful, fabulous women and I'm proud to "know" each of you. From Jennifer's amazing dedication to Kristina's pure energy, Julie's beautiful spirit to Amy's wonderful sense of humor, Melissa's incredible accomplishments to Elicia's off-the-wall-hilarious wit, SueAnne's unique outlook and determination, everybody here is somebody I feel it is a privilege to know.

So to everyone who is stressed about anything, remember that (in the words of my momma) "all will be well." With such an incredible group around you, how could it not be?

Just a Whine, You Don't Mind, Do You?

*~*~*~*cross-posted from my blog*~*~*~*

In almost two weeks I haven't lost any weight at all! I thought I had lost a pound yesterday, but it was back this morning. I know I've done a lot, but today I'm a tiny bit discouraged.

I'm asking myself what is going on. Have I lost my momentum?

One thing that is affecting me is stress. We've hit a financial bump in the road, and that has been very stressful for me the last two weeks. Allergies are kicking my butt, but good! I'm sneezing and snorting snot as I type this. I have a pile of tissues on the desk in front of me. This has been a very bad allergy season for me.

When I'm doing well I don't want to believe that my resolve is such a fragile thing, but today it's a tiny ember. I need some energy so I can stoke my fire.

I made an aggressive goal a couple of weeks ago. When my weight hit 214 I decided I would be out of the 200's by the end of June. Is it a coincidence that I haven't lost a pound since I said that? I just don't know.

In the meantime, I'm reevaluating, and my new goal is to eat mindfully over the next three days, making the most of every food choice, to drink lots of water, and to take my walks. We'll see if a little more conscious effort is all I need to start losing weight again.

Hey, there is good news, though. A friend gave me some size 14 capri-length pants last night, and one of them actually fit comfortably. Of course, I still have a pair of 16's in my drawer that are too tight, so it's hard to be terribly excited. I hate the size differences from clothing maker to maker. It can really mess with a woman's mind.

One more bit of good news. Last night Rooster said, "Mommy's getting skinny. I can tell because her shirt is all wrinkly." It's true, my fat belly left no room for wrinkles in that particular shirt just a few months ago. Yay for wrinkly shirts!

I'm just a 1/2 of a pound away from breaking into the 170's!

Without a week of weighing, due to my cycle, I was a bit nervous this morning. But I checked, and I am down! From the last bloated weight, I am down three pounds. : ) 180.5, I am soooo close to the 170's that I can taste it. I'm so pumped, I am ready for the Y this morning, just let me tell ya. Especially since I took yesterday, (Sunday) off.

Here's yesterday's numbers:

1,391 calories, and 14 glasses of water.

Weighing in (and other things)

So. I gained a pound two weeks ago, right?

I thought "Oh, it's water weight. It's my 'time' and it'll be gone next week."

Nope.

It stayed, and brought three of its closest friends.

I don't know how I gained four pounds in two weeks, other than a nibble here, a nibble there, and a general feeling of malaise.

But I'm back on track now. I'm back to moving more, even if it means all I have time for is parking at the end of the Wal Mart parking lot or an extra trip around the store. I'm back to focusing on putting more "good stuff" in to my body, and less processed junk.

On another, slightly related note:

I've noticed that my five-year-old daughter has talked a lot lately about being "thin." I don't know where this is coming from, honestly, because 1. I don't talk that way about myself or anyone else, and 2. I try my best not to talk about my weight in front of her. Yes, she's gone to a couple of WW meetings with me, several months ago, but she never stays in the room with me (we meet at a church gym) during the lecture - she's always playing in the hall.

She asked me once, about a year ago, why I went to WW. I told her it was because I didn't take care of myself when I was younger, and it caused me to not be healthy. But now, I was doing things to make myself healthier - eating better and exercising.

And that's what I tell her now, when we go to eat fast food and I order her fruit and milk with her kids meal instead of fries and Sprite - that we need to eat better so our bodies can be healthy. Those fries and Sprite are "sometimes" foods.

How do we, as parents, and parents of girls in particular, keep the focus on "health" and not "thinness?" She told me the other day that she was glad to be thin, and I told her that it was more important to be healthy - because there are plenty of thin people who aren't healthy, and plenty of people who may not be considered "thin" but take good care of themselves.

Any ideas on how to refocus her on health, and not a body size? I'm slightly panicking here, and hoping it isn't all my fault!

Checking In

I didn't lose any weight at all last week, and this week I'm only down 1 pound so far. I think the heat and my allergies are bringing me down a bit, so I may have to get used to the idea of pushing back my goal to leave the 200's behind by the end of June. That's okay, losing a little every week is still good, and I can live with an occasional week with no loss as long as it doesn't become a trend.
This is a picture of me heading out to a fund raiser yesterday. This is our team T-shirt. I'm writing the names of people I've been asked to remember and pray for while I'm walking, along with one who was a friend of mine.

Just more journaling...

Thursday: 1,624 calories, and 16 glasses of water. I went to the Y in the evening and did my weights, but the weight room was sooo hot that I didn't feel well enough to do my cardio. I did however lift a whopping 71,250 pounds! : )

Friday: 1,719 calories, 11 glasses of water. 74 minutes of cardio, burning 1,070 calories, and I lifted 40,500 pounds.

Saturday: 1,592 calories, 12 glasses of water. 75 minutes of cardio, burning 1,093 calories, and I lifted 41,500 pounds. I was sooo encouraged when I combined my miles from the elliptical and the treadmill this day. Mostly I just pay attention to the calories I'm burning, as I am doing both machines consistantly together now. But when I tallied the mileage, I realized that I had done 6.57 miles! I'm so proud of myself. I've been working so hard.

Feeling bold, feeling beautiful, feeling STRONG! My fitlinxx stats for May

, originally uploaded by willemkristina@verizon.net.

For the month of May, I am proud to report my numbers. And here they are:

I burned 19,018 calories. Placing me 1st in my age group, 3rd for all women, and 10th for the whole Y.

I lifted 915,890 pounds worth of weights. Placing me 1st in my age group, 1st for all women, and 3rd for the whole Y.

I earned 18,819 fit points. Placing me 1st in my age group, 1st for all women, and 4th over all.

I AM A MACHINE!!! There aint no stoppin' me! Whooo!

Forward, March!

So, against all logic, I lost a little over a pound this week.

It kind of disgusts me that such a bad week can produce results since I haven't been eating right, haven't been exercising, and haven't done much except stress out yet I have improvement. Yet when everything's going right, I go to the gym or play tennis regularly, and eat particularly well, I get stuck on the plateau.

All the same, it's more than a pound closer to my goal. I'm not going to let it disgust me that much.

Have a wonderful weekend, ladies.

Lisa