Costco Cookie Conundrum

This weekend was marked by one bad decision after another, and I'm still feeling hungover from the sugar I ate yesterday. Oh, it could be the Benedryl I took last night. I'll bet that's it. Anyway, I missed my big training walk after being up all night with a sick child, felt bad about that, had 3 glasses of wine Saturday night, woke up feeling like doing nothing. Big surprise, huh? Then I met my walking teammates for lunch on Sunday, had soup and salad and water. (Yay me! Trying to remember to give myself credit.)

After lunch I stopped at Costco for a few groceries. I was at the front, almost had gotten to the checkout line, and I TURNED AROUND and headed for the bakery section. I didn't even bother rationalizing the cookies I bought, instead I just told myself I WANT ONE. I did tell myself I'd only have one. Ha! I didn't even keep track of how many I ate. Then I had nachos for dinner. I didn't drink enough water for the rest of the day either.

So what went wrong? I missed my training walk and did have negative thoughts like I'm not going to be ready for this walk. Next week's training walk is going to be really hard now. My husband brought home beer, which always leads me to ask, "Did you bring me some wine?" Well, he had, but he left it out in the car. He was trying to cover his bases. Cheeky devil. Do you see why I didn't ask him to be my diet coach? Ha!

After drinking wine, I always feel sort of out of it the next day. It's almost like I'm mildly depressed again. I think it must deplete serotonin or something. That's my theory anyway. So, at Costco I was tired and sort of out of it, and that led to the cookie purchase. After eating one cookie I think I had some version of the well, now I might as well just blow the whole day negative thought process going on.

Here I am on Monday trying to get back on track. I need a way to deal with fatigue and stress that doesn't lead to eating or drinking alcohol. And today I need a way to get motivated and back on track.

Just a Whine, You Don't Mind, Do You?

*~*~*~*cross-posted from my blog*~*~*~*

In almost two weeks I haven't lost any weight at all! I thought I had lost a pound yesterday, but it was back this morning. I know I've done a lot, but today I'm a tiny bit discouraged.

I'm asking myself what is going on. Have I lost my momentum?

One thing that is affecting me is stress. We've hit a financial bump in the road, and that has been very stressful for me the last two weeks. Allergies are kicking my butt, but good! I'm sneezing and snorting snot as I type this. I have a pile of tissues on the desk in front of me. This has been a very bad allergy season for me.

When I'm doing well I don't want to believe that my resolve is such a fragile thing, but today it's a tiny ember. I need some energy so I can stoke my fire.

I made an aggressive goal a couple of weeks ago. When my weight hit 214 I decided I would be out of the 200's by the end of June. Is it a coincidence that I haven't lost a pound since I said that? I just don't know.

In the meantime, I'm reevaluating, and my new goal is to eat mindfully over the next three days, making the most of every food choice, to drink lots of water, and to take my walks. We'll see if a little more conscious effort is all I need to start losing weight again.

Hey, there is good news, though. A friend gave me some size 14 capri-length pants last night, and one of them actually fit comfortably. Of course, I still have a pair of 16's in my drawer that are too tight, so it's hard to be terribly excited. I hate the size differences from clothing maker to maker. It can really mess with a woman's mind.

One more bit of good news. Last night Rooster said, "Mommy's getting skinny. I can tell because her shirt is all wrinkly." It's true, my fat belly left no room for wrinkles in that particular shirt just a few months ago. Yay for wrinkly shirts!

After I Post This I'm Going To Go Relax!

I've hit a 2 week slump. I think I've lost one pound total in the last two weeks.

Of course, I have been back to old eating habits, skipping breakfast, running to the deli for dinner because I didn't feel like cooking, and stuff like that. I'm trying to make a few other changes that are not weight related (getting organized, clearing house clutter, that kind of thing) and it has really thrown me for a loop. I was doing okay when I was concentrating on eating and exercise alone, but throw in trying to be a better mom and take care of the house and homeschooling more efficiently, and I lose it.

I have a shaky day planner system in place, and that is helping me, but getting the system up and running requires establishing a new habit which always drains me of so much energy for some reason. I'm starting to feel crazy busy, trying to fit longer walks into my day, wrapping up the homeschooling year which means getting the kids tested, (I love jumping through those hoops!)and stepping up my fund raising efforts.

On top of that, my aunt called me to remind me that my mom's 60th birthday is this year. I told her I had been so wrapped up in my own momentous year, that I'd completely forgotten about my mom. I'll be doing the 3-Day Walk in the beginning of September, and then after that celebrating my 20th anniversary, which has me planning a trip to the Oregon Coast, and then I'll be turning 40, which just has me obsessing about my wrinkles and aching bones. Now, I'm planning a surprise birthday party for my mom whose sister will be flying out from Minnesota for the occasion. Whew! Are you feeling the stress?!

All of this has me running into the arms of the Lord BEGGING him to replace my heart with his. I wish I had been practicing spending more time with him long before now because if I had made THAT a habit before trying to change the rest of my life, I would be feeling peace and serenity instead of the anxiety stew I'm simmering in now. This is good, though, because God knows I need a real reason to change before I get off my butt, and I'm thanking him that all of the STUFF provoking this change is GOOD STUFF and not crises. He is so good, and in his presence I will find peace. Maybe then I'll stop eating everything but the wallpaper.