Trying to get back on track.

It seems like it wasn't just the holidays, something is really different for me now. It's like walking through concrete to try to eat right. I have had weeks where I am just struggling so hard trying to be good and then I get to dinner and just lose it. Yesterday I was over 2200 calories for the day, that's 700 more than I usually aim for.

It sucks because I was down to 160 and then Christmas came and I shot way up to 168 without even enjoying the foods. I was still really restricting my foods. BUt I shot up anyway. Now I am back to 160 and the craving and stuff have not gone away.

I wanted to take my food journal off line, it's public right now, I wanted to take it down so that my blog readers wouldn't see what I have been eating. But I am going to keep at it. Starting fresh with every meal and hoping to God to get through this first day.

Man, sometimes it's really hard.

Starting a new venture

For a couple of months I have been a contributor on a site called Tales From The Scales. Well, starting soon, I will be playing a part on a much more frequent basis. I will be doing a weekly column.

It's sort of scary and exciting at the same time. There are a lot of people who are working through the challenges that Tales offers. I am going through my second challenge. I lost about 80 pounds on the first one and have taken off nearly 20 on this one.

I was on my computer, trying to figure out what articles I would write, what bits of insight I could give on so frequent a basis and finally realized that I would do best to start with the basics of what has helped me and just keep it simple each week.

I am really thrilled and excited about this.

Photo and weight updates

Weight: 168

Measurements:

Before: Chest 57 Waist 51 Hips 57

Now: Chest 41.3 Waist 37.5 Hips 43.5

I intentionally took these photos in clothes that I felt would show as much of the remaining fat as I was willing to bare. Now I wish I had worn jeans!

I have put about 700 miles on our treadmill since April. I walk about three miles a day, but when I saw my photos today I thought, man, I really need to get this belly OFF! It's about the only place that I am still fat, and it is still very substantial. But it's coming. I can tell that the dents that I developed in my belly when I first started losing weight have really deepened and have become a waist. I have a big rounded pouch that starts just below where my ribs end, but it used to be that my boobs sat right on my belly. Not anymore.

So that's where I am now. I am hoping for more changes as time goes on. I am very happy with how I look and feel, with clothes on I look pretty good, but I want to get this fat reservoir gone!

Here is my old face and my face today:

Dieters Dilemma

I feel the beast within my gut,
A snarling, raging, mangy mutt.
To tame the hunger, calm the rage,
I'll throw some food into it's cage.

I eat the oatmeal, not the brownie,
Though fudgy frosting longs to drown me.
Sweet, upon my binging lips,
Giving me size 3X hips.

I ignore the teasing call of sweets,
And feast on whole-grain, healthy treats
At last I give up, nearly beat -
And go to sleep, so I won't eat.

That tray of brownies called to me
and lied to me so earnestly!
It spoke to me of just one bite,
"You needn't journal late at night!"

No one would ever need to know
But that's a path I will not go.
My strength is bigger than my gut
So go to bed, you mangy mutt!





This poem inflicted upon you by me, JanB

Weigh in Day

Today is weigh in day. Last week I was standing still fighting off the PMS from the netherworld. Now I am on the other side of it and the weight is dropping again. I was 175 most of last week, except for some days when water gain sent my weight up to 180. I never worry about that anymore because I have my measurements as my litmus test for what I am really carrying in terms of fat.

So today I am 172. That is one hundred pounds less than I weighed at my heaviest, 272. Today is the day. Halloween and I am down 100 lbs with 22 yet to go. I can see the finish line now.

I am not going to obsess

People say that tracking every bite that passes my lips is obsessive. Ok, let's look at some other scenarios:

No obsession about driving:

No one is going to tell me how to drive. I will drive when and where I want. I will go as fast or as slow as I want. I am not going to be looking in my mirrors or constantly checking my gauges. That's for people who are afraid of the road.

If someone gets in my way, they had better get out of it, because I am not stopping unless I feel like it. Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead! Where's my beer?

Resolution: Intervention by authorities, loss of license, jail time.

No obsession about money:

I will not count my money, I will not track how I spend it. I will enjoy my money freely and use it for my own pleasure. The hell with spending responsibly and paying bills. I am going to just forget about it and let things go their own natural course.

Resolution: Bankruptcy and possible homelessness.


No obsession about cleanliness:

I am so tired of reports about germs and disease! I simply don't have time to spend washing my hands after using the rest room. For that matter, wiping my butt is a waste of time and paper. I refuse to spend my limited hours showering and cleaning my house. If someone loves me, they will love me without all this cleaning and scrubbing. After all, everyone has to eat a peck of dirt in their lifetime, right?

Resolution: Illness, death, condemned house, standoffish of others on public transportation, possible mental health commitment.

No obsession about child welfare:

My kids are wonderful, but all of this attention to them gets a little old. They'll find something to eat in the house if they are hungry and for goodness sake, they can figure out how to work the porcelain throne if their diapers get full enough. I refuse to spend my time and resources caring for others. If I had to watch them 24/7, there would not be enough time in the day for anything else! As for school, who needs it?

Resolution: Intervention by school and child welfare authorities.

In the final analysis, my OCD record keeping regarding my food journaling doesn't sound that bad, now does it?

I have been reading blogs and it seems like something is going around. People are losing it when it comes to their determination to lose weight. I think that part of it is the build-up to Halloween, the biggest junk food holiday that there is, even worse than Easter. At least on the other eating holidays, once you get past the dinner and the leftovers, you are done. But with Halloween the idea is candy, hoarding and binging. Easter's bad too, but Halloween is worse because we adults are encouraged to participate on a world-wide level because this is not a religious holiday and offering treats does not offend other religions. It's perfectly acceptable, even encouraged to participate even at work.

For those of you who are in the same boat as I am, here are my strategies.

1. No buying candy for giving away until just prior to Halloween, I don't care if all that's left are ex-lax candies.

2. Do not -- I repeat -- DO NOT buy candy that you like. If you hate those peanut butter taffy things in the paper wrapper, that's what you want to get. Or if you hate mint, you get the idea. Buy what you hate. There will be leftovers. You don't want to have any qualms about ditching the excess. But don't buy it early! A lot of times we eat crap we don't even like just because it's in the house. Give it to a neighbor if you need to and then take it back just prior to the night.

3. You are not responsible for feeding the neighborhood. Buy a reasonable amount and if you run out, you run out. Forget it and move on.


4. Put the bowl on the ground and let the kids reach into it themselves. You do not have to hand it to them. Putting your hand in that bowl is just a heartbeat away from putting it in your mouth. Can someone else give out the candy?



5. Parties. If you go to a Halloween Party, stick something you can be sure of being able to safely eat in your purse or in your costume pocket. Who cares if you look different not eating the crap that they serve? You are getting healthy. Eat like a thin person. Think of your own collar bones first and how you love being able to feel your body without a big old padding of fat.

6. Do not skip meals. Skipping meals or not planning for being out when a meal is coming is temptation that you do not need. Bring something along or plan to have your regular meal before you head out.

So, that's my plan. I reject the idea that I will gain five pounds over this holiday. I will not. I will lose another on or two pounds each week up to Halloween and after. Count on it.

New Goal Met

Today I am at my mini-goal of 180. It has taken me a month to lose ten pounds. My next one is 170. I never set a time limit, I just keep track of when each one passes. So, onward to the next one. It will come when it comes, but I never, ever thought I would be in the 170's again.

181!

I didn't want to walk today. I really didn't. I decided that I wouldn't. I went upstairs, took off my work out clothes and got on the scale and I was 181, down from the 184 point where I have been for a week. Now I am ready to work out. I thought that darned scale would NEVER move!

Bread. Why?

Ok, let's just state right off the bat that I am weird. So, that's a given. But one day a month or two ago, I started thinking, what's the deal with bread? We use it to hold food basically, don't we? They are a vehicle for other foods. What is the crust of a pizza? Do you even really taste it?

Now, some of it is really tasty, but when I started looking at some of the foods I eat and trying to get more nutrition out of them, I started realizing that most breads are pretty empty. I usually get my grains from meals with rolled oats, which stack up better.

So anyway, I was holding an English Muffin with a Boca burgers (topped with mustard and salsa), and I liked eating that for lunch, but right then I decided to just have the boca burger on a plate and put the mustard and salsa on the burger. I ate it with a fork. Tasty.

Now I hardly ever eat bread anymore. I have applied this to rice, as well. I don't cut out rice altogether, but if I am having a stir fry of shrimp, veggies and a bit of Chinese sauce, I will sometimes skip on the rice. It still tastes the same, but the caloric value of the whole meal changes. You know those days when you are maybe close to budget with the cals/fat grams and you start thinking about the value of your foods and how much you can afford?

You might try it sometime. I think I much prefer a fork to a bread handle on my burgers, after all how many cals/fat grams does a fork have?

5 Month update in photos

Now, before we get to the photos, I have to explain. I am not a size four, not even close, but I found a pair of VERY stretchy pants that fit well and they were a size four. I think that this represents up-sizing on the part of the clothing industry. I don't want to lead you all astray, if I don't hide this watermelon of a belly I still look pregnant!

Anyway, here are the photos, I think we can all see my main trouble spot! If you sort of visually draw a line and cut off that belly, I can see how I will look when I am done. I just wonder, when will I be done? Sorry, I wrote 6 months, but when I was doing the dishes, I realized that from April 22 to today is only about 5 months, so the photo caption is wrong.



And here is a face off of me a year ago and then today, can you see my poor sore nose from having a cold for two weeks?

9/06

Today

These are a few of my favorite things....

about having lost so much weight:

~Being able to get the sheets on the bed without breaking a sweat.
~Being able to get between the wall and the bed without climbing on the bed. The space is about 6 inches. Being able to turn around in that space too.
~Being able to dance in the kitchen without feeling like an idiot.
~Having sex with the light on.
~Every time someone says, "Have you cut your hair?" and knowing that they mean, "Have you lost weight?" but they can't remember that I was fat before.
~When people describe me as, "She's tall and thin with dark short hair." That beats "heavy set" every day of the week!
~Buying clothes. Buying size 4-6 clothes. OK, they were stretchy, but they fit!
~Not feeling self-conscious
~Using small towels instead of my old "bath sheets".
~Size 5 bikini panties.
~My seat belt never bothers me now. It used to be too small.
~Sitting in the kiddie chairs at parent-teacher conferences is fine now.
~running and playing with my children. I can do that now.
~Did I mention buying clothes?

I am just loving it. Photos tomorrow. It's six months tomorrow.

All Time Low

Today I weighed in at 185. To put that into perspective, I started out at 272. That's 348 sticks of butter ladies!

After my third pregnancy I lost weight and went from 203 to 185. So, I have been here before, but the huge difference was that I was 21 at the time. And I never got any lower. This time I have set my sites on 150 as my goal and I plan to be there about the time that St. Nick is delivering my size small clothes that I will be needing.

Frankly, I didn't think I would make it this far, this soon. I am thrilled beyond belief and wanted to share it with you all. WHOO WHEE! Oh, by the way, the twenty-something guy at Radio Shack actually flirted with me the other day. Who cares if he just did it to sell me a printer? I am 42. How did this happen?

Now I wonder, where will I be in a month?

Digesting Myself

What is weight loss? We start off with billions of fat cells in our body, cells that are absolutely stretched and stuffed with fatty acids. They warm us and give us energy when we need it, they keep us from starvation, but what about when we have too many, like hundreds of pounds of extra fat? Then we have to eat it. We literally have to finish what we started.

The fat that resides in our bodies, lining our tissues, strangling our organs, pressing outward all the time is the result of excessive meals and snacks that have gone into long-term storage in our bodies. Eventually it becomes time to eat what's in the chest freezer rather than dining out. Do you have a storage freezer and you only touch what's on the top? Only the stuff that you can dig out? The stuff that's been in there for five years, that stuff just stays in there. You just put the new stuff on top of it. Well, it's time to clean house.

So we decide eat less, and we move more and our own body utilizes that stuff in storage. It eats it. It dines heartily on it. It is a great food source, the best food for your muscles and it has been sitting there waiting for you. The ultimate zipock baggie. This stuff keeps forever. But it doesn't satisfy your sweet tooth, it doesn't fill you up and the method for getting it used takes work.

What are the results? Less organ fat. Less fat in the legs, the trunk and the arms equals the ability to move better and faster. Then the time comes when you become able to eat even more heartily of your own deep freeze fat. You can now move even harder, work longer, stoke the fires of your own metabolism. Picture it like the scene from Titanic. The workers in the belly of the ship, shoveling coal into the red hot furnaces of the ship to keep the speed up. That's your metabolism. You keep feeding it coal (fat) and keep your muscles working and they use up that coal.

Pretty soon, as you lose the fat, your muscles will still be shoveling and you will need to eat more in addition to what's getting burned up, now is the time to buy the best grade of fuel that you can, no more crap take-out junk. No more empty calories, no artificially created concoctions like soda and partially hydrogenated goop. Consume healthy, whole foods that make every bite count toward keeping your furnace burning. Drink only pure water and lots of it. Keep digesting yourself, rather than storing coal back in the bunkers.

What's your fuel today?

Goal!

I have passed my mini-goal of 190. I am currently at 189 and thrilled. That's 332 sticks of butter! I have 39 lbs to go to my main goal of 150. I actually sat here stunned when I realized that I have 39 lbs to go. Having over 40 lbs to go sounded huge, but being within 39 lbs sounds so "do-able". Am I nuts? It's only two lbs difference, but to me, it's a world of difference.

New Milestone

I have hit the 80 lb mark today. I am at 192 down from 272 (that's 320 sticks of butter!) . I was just sort of going along in my day before I realized it. Part of me can't believe it. Part of me is still astonished. Why is it going so well? I am not hungry, I am not exhausted, cranky or having a hard time dieting in general. It is like with this effort I have just hit a stride that works for me. Everything is just clicking along and the weight loss is automatic. Just eating less and exercising every day.

Here are my progress photos, four months on my eating and exercise plan, although I lost some of the weight earlier. I count from when I got serious in April and took my first set of photos:



And here are my facial photos before and as of now:
My sister says that I look like a kid. What a great sister, huh?

Medium

Yesterday I went to a thrift store. I love thrift stores. You can find such neat stuff so cheaply. I never bought clothing there though, they never had my size - 3X.

Yesterday I bought two pair of shorts and two fall jackets, both in medium. I tried on the jackets and they fit well, but I didn't try on the shorts and all they had was medium, but I figured that for the price ($.25), even if they didn't fit, it wouldn't break the bank.

Last night I washed everything and this morning I put on the shorts. I was so thrilled. I had needed some workout shorts and they fit so well! Comfy and not tight and binding. I can't tell you how long it has been since I have been a medium. I just can't. I don't remember it. I think it must have been in high school. And it must have been early in HS because I was pregnant in 11th grade, so I sure wasn't fitting into mediums then.

I feel great today. This is 120 days since I started with my changes in diet and exercise. I have lost 76 lbs so far, 46 to go!!

Jan

Broken!

I have finally broken the 200 barrier. It was hard. I have been at this for two weeks, nearly three. I am down to 198 today. I have been having menstrual problems and went 6 weeks without a period and then when it finally hit, the weight came down. Fluid. You know, I just hate that. But it's what we are, big water containers.

When I got up this morning I noticed a more definition in my sternum area. I could see ribs from the front and it has been literally ages since I have seen that. I don't mean that I am bony, I just mean that the pad of fat that has been over my chest is lessening. I love these little glimpses that show me what's beneath the fat.

The Magical House

Here is a story that I wrote this morning.

The Magical House
By Janet Bowser

Once there was a house that had magical properties. The more furniture, drapes, knickknacks that were brought into her, the more spacious she got. The house would actually grow. This house loved to shop and liked nothing more than buying new things to satisfy that impulsive urge. She loved yard sales, where she could pick up several things cheaply to satisfy her shopping urge. However, she was never fully satisfied with what she had just bought and was soon planning another shopping splurge.

By filling herself with all that stuff, she began growing from a Cape Cod to a Raised Ranch, then a Victorian and finally she had become a huge condo complex with an attached 150 car parking garage.

But as she got larger, the house also had problems with her exterior and superstructure. Her paint started to chip, roof tiles fell off here and there. Her top line sagged and her large wrap-around veranda dipped at an alarming angle. The poor house's plumbing suffered and her joints squeaked. Her yard looked horrible.

Because she was so huge, her work crew could not fix things as quickly as she needed repairs. Neighbors and passersby would not make eye contact with her because, frankly, she was unattractive. Mean kids would point at her and laugh. Sometimes even nice people said things about her that hurt. She had become unsafe and knew that if the housing authority spotted her, she was in danger of being condemned. She felt like crap.




So, finally the house realized that it was all the stops at the yard sales and the gifts from family and friends that were increasing her square footage day by day. She made up her mind and said to herself, "That's enough! I am going to stop going to garage sales. I am going to stop accepting these gifts. I am going to quit ordering things online. I will only buy those things that are essential for myself to keep on going. And those things that I do buy have to be pretty special, they have to add to my beauty -- not gaudy, flashy junk. Not crap that I am just going to put into storage."

At first, the other houses in the neighborhood made fun of her, they said that she would never be able to keep it up. She was the biggest house in the area and they were sure that she could never change. She start to look around herself. She decided to have a yard sale of her own. Out went the old junk tables that she had inherited. Out went the bedroom suite that she never even slept in. Out! Out! Out! It was hard parting with those things which had been part of her, but she did it.

Slowly but surely, the house noticed that she was losing acreage. Her mass was dropping. Now her garage only held 10 cars (and one had to be a sub-compact).

She got rid of more junk. She kept the promise that she had made to herself not to buy more crap. Suddenly, she was a Raised Ranch again. She never thought she would be a ranch again. One day she looked down, she saw her grass at her footers. It was the first time she had seen her grass in ages and it was nicely manicured by her crew! She felt pretty.

Her work crew fixed her roof. Her plumbing got an overhaul. The house's exterior started to look much nicer. Her curb appeal started to improve. People strolling by stopped to look at her. And they smiled. The house knew that she looked better. Once someone asked if she was for sale. She was flattered.

One day, the house across the street had a wonderful estate sale with antiques, retro appliances and beautiful baskets of every kind. There was just such an abundance of stuff. The house watched the flow of traffic in and out of the estate sale. She so badly wanted to get in there, look around and get some stuff for her den, but then she realized that she liked being a ranch more than she want those antiques.

Right then she made up her mind. She had another sale of her own, a big one right there on her grass. She put out the rest of her stuff and sold it all. She was finally able to let go of it all. The next morning, as a car drove past her, she saw herself reflected in it's windows. She had become a Cape Cod again.

Part of her sometimes dreams of when she might be a little log cabin in the woods with lacy curtains and a flower garden in her back yard, but for now, being a Cape Cod is a gift. She never felt better, she never looked better and her maintenance crew hums around her now, fixing her, maintaining her, making structural improvements and beautifying her superstructure.

I am that house.
What kind of house are you?
What kind of house do you want to be?

200 lbs

After eight years, I am on the threshold of saying goodbye to the 200's. I stood on the scale this morning and the dial was firmly on the 200 mark. Knowing my body the way I do, I will be under it in 4-5 days or so. I had a hard time really visualizing my lost 72 lbs, but I happened across a website that put it into perspective:

72 pounds is the average weight of a 10-year old boy.

How Much Fuel Is That?

To lose that amount of fat would mean to burn 252,000 calories or 1,054,368 KiloJoules! That is the equivalent of 8.13 gallons of gasoline. Humans, however, are far more efficient than cars, getting about 912 "miles to the gallon". If you could dump this many calories into the tank of a Honda Civic, you would be able to drive it about 276 miles before running out of gas!

Let's see how your goal would convert to other forms of fuel. 252,000 calories is equivalent to:

• 8.13 gallons of gasoline, or
• 90.04 pounds of coal, or
• 125.05 pounds of oven-dried wood, or
• 11.04 gallons of propane

This amount of energy would ...

• Brew about 703 pots of coffee, or
• Light a 60-watt light bulb for 4,881 hours ( 203 days = 0.63 years)

Cutting 252,000 calories is the same as saying "no" to:

• 182 pounds of ground beef, or
• 2,897 glasses of wine, or
• 780 Snickers bars, or
• 1,050 Clif Bars ( 1,400 Luna Bars), or
• 1,813 cans of Coke, or
• 1,482 pints of Guinness beer, or
• 512 Big Macs, or
• 489 Quarter Pounders with Cheese, or
• 360 Whoppers, or
• 764 Subway 6" Oven Roasted Chicken Breast sandwiches, or
• 1,482 Taco Bell crunchy tacos, or
• 1,072 slices of pepperoni pizza from Pizza Hut (!!)

What it Takes to Burn 252,000 Calories

To burn 252,000 calories, a 190 pound male would have to:

• Backpack for 417 hours (17 days) nonstop, or
• Walk for 966 hours (40 days) at 3 mph straight, or
• Walk 2,897 miles (1,810 kilometers), or
• Bike for 730 hours (30 days) at 10 mph, or
• Bike 7,304 miles (4,565 kilometers), or
• Play basketball nonstop for 402 hours 17 days), or
• Play billiards for 1,167 hours (49 days), or
• Go bowling for 973 hours (41 days), or
• Stay on the golf course for 730 hours (30 days), or
• Spend 325 hours (14 days) playing competitive football, or
• Jump rope for 307 hours (13 days) straight!

You would have to walk the length of England about 4.83 times to burn 252,000 calories.

How many pounds have you lost and what does it really mean? Check here!